** Thursday January 29, 2009

*cracks knuckles*

Greetings my cheap, stingy, thuggish, spoiled-rotten, free-for-me bottom-feeding, something-for-nothing, warez butt-pirating degenerates a.k.a. “fans” (Gosh Mr. NightWolve, that litany just keeps getting longer & longer… must think you’re funny or something, huh?)! Well, what do you say we have a little heart-to-heart today, huh?? I know, it’ll be rather difficult since I’m not very diplomatic and tend to be bombastic for my own personal amusement at times and yesss, yesss, I AM an arrogant, egotistical, GREEDY son-of-a-bitch, it’s ALL true, while on the other hand, ~98% of you are INSANELY generous, humble, polite, friendly, show no signs of arrogance in any way, shape or form, basically are all around wonderful little angels, pure as the wind-driven snow that never butt-pirated a damn thing in your otherwise miserable fucking lives, but what the hell…

The fact is, you’re the REAL Falcom fans, the unsung heroes and I see that now, while I’m just a profiteer, an impostor looking to make a quick buck! As a result, I could never truly love Falcom and Ys the way you fine folks do because I’ve made money an issue (or lack thereof) while most of you would NEVER dream of doing so (and, haha, 98% of you NEVER did, go figure!)… Thus, I’ve had you pegged all wrong from the get-go! It is my greed, not your appearance of warezy stinginess that is the problem! It is my attitude, not yours that is the problem! For failing to recognize who really is at fault in all of this, namely me, I am truly sorry! I really hope we can bury the hatchet and ALL UNITE, butt-pirate and Falcom owner alike, under the banner of Ys, cause after all, that’s what this is all about, isn’t it ? Well, isn’t it ?? The unifying power of Ysssssssssss! Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!

So right about now you might be wondering what prompted this drive-by rant and why did I deviate back into this subject matter when I was doing just fine dealing with the neo-Marxist Prezident BabyKiller…? Well, do ya know what today is?? Today marks the 2 year anniversary of the Felghana patch leak… Yessssss, that’s right! Many of you fucks little darlings remember that day, I’m sure, cause you scored the patch early without having to donate anything for it, right?? January 29, 2007 3:21 PM PT, a day of infamy, when a warez thug decided to create an account named “GF_Alt” on the decidedly uncivilized website union of GayFAQs/GaySpot in order to short-circuit my donate-for-early-access program, pretty much the ONLY technique that ever gets you prickly, freeloading, miserable fucks to open your damn wallets (at least, for those of you outside of the teenage warez crowd that have a wallet)…

The leaker’s exact words were, “Enjoy. Here’s an alternate link in case he removes that directory. His greedy donation scheme has gone far enough.” which show his motivations and in his treachery, he was quite successful as a warez hero since once word spread of the patch’s leak, the donation frequency to obtain it from me dropped from 3-4 per day, to 3-4 per week, etc. only to exponentially decline further in the following weeks… I estimate the damages/losses to have been anywhere from $1000-$1500 which certainly isn’t easy to forget… It is interesting in some respects how it took only one little degenerate to fuck things up pretty good, a degenerate that to this day continues to remain anonymous/unidentified unfortunately… Oh, I’ve had theories such as one zmonkey/boilerplate, a raging militant psycho, but I was unable to go forward with a means for 100% identification, thus whoever he is, he continues to remain in my email list of donators, and no doubt he occasionally lurks about to this day, cackling away with a prickly smile on his face at his accomplishment. I figured by now he would’ve bragged to me directly about it, but he’s been completely silent ever since…

So… here we are, 2 years and 10,000+ Felghana patch installations later (yeah, that’s right, patch version-checking counts your freeloading asses), the donation frequency/ratio stands at just about 2 donators per every 98 freeloaders, or ~2% (+1%), meaning that ~9,800 out of 10,000+ (98%) of you wonderful little angels chose to do the usual, that is, to freeload! Essentially, 2 years more time has changed very little since you’ve remained VERY impressive freeloaders! Very “conservative” of you, yesss? You dug in and stuck to your “it’s supposed to be 100% free” guns, eh? Well, good job cheap, stingy, degenerate fucks my “fans!” Good job! My hats off to you! Heh, you know, I look at these statistics from over the years and I occasionally just scratch my head wondering, man, how good would somebody have to make a patch for you fucks people to ever consider donating at a respectable rate? What would it take to get that donator ratio up to say 10% at least, I’ve asked myself? Perhaps my patches must not good enough for you, eh? They come close, but not close enough, yeah? They just don’t cross past that line between “I’m not paying shit for this!” versus “Hey, this IS worth paying something for!”, right ? Well, apparently so…

Seriously though, you are some really amazing fucks “fans…” On one hand, you can be found at various places whining about how the US never gets enough Ys localizations, but on the other, as is now so evident, you ARE NOT willing to put your money where your mouth is when it gets down to it, are you?? Heh. In my case, you’ve done nearly everything possible, given me so many reasons to quit, I mean, indirectly with your rampant, carefree freeloading, and others, directly with the demonstration of your so very very intimidating “flame master of disaster” skillz… I do wonder what the sales figures were exactly of Konami’s Ys VI PS2 port with warez butt-pirating maniacs “fans” like you on the loose… I can’t imagine that did very well (as far as what I heard, it didn’t). PLEASE BRING US MORE YS GAMES OFFICIALLY BUT KNOW THAT WE AIN’T PAYIN’ SHIT FOR ‘EM IF WE CAN HELP IT!!!! HEHEHHEHEHEHE!

It really does amaze me to this day given that you could lift a masterpiece of a game like Felghana off a torrent network or whatever, saving yourself, goodness, anywhere from $60 to $100 bucks and import taxes in some cases, but yet donating $5+ bucks for my translation project efforts was just SO out of the question for your freeloading degenerate minds… REALLY, WHAT is THAT all about? It fascinates me, it does! You couldn’t handle mere chump change, the average cost of a beer, really…?? You were asked essentially to trade ONE of your minimum wage working hours ($5 before the increase to $7) for thousands of my programming hours across several years… Hardly unreasonable by any rational, logical standard… BUT NOOOOOOOOOO, CAN’T FUCKING DO THAT!!! That warez free-for-me mind of yours couldn’t process the VERY concept… What was it you told me, hmmm? $5 was “greedy,” a “scam,” right? And was this before or after you pirated the game? Of course, there’s nothing “greedy” about butt-pirating, filling your warez coffers, freeloading, stinginess, cheapness, etc. right?? Man, if I didn’t have a sense of humor considering your antics I’d have gone crazy long time ago trying to figure you out….

Well, let’s elaborate on that attitude further, shall we??? I’m not an expert, but I’d say it goes something like this: “PAY YOU? HAH! NEVER! NEVER, I SAY! IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE FUCKING FREE, DAMMIT!! DO YOU GET ME??? IF I HAVE TO GIVE YOU MONEY, IT WOULD BE IMMORAL! I’M SPECIAL!! I’M SUPPOSED TO GET THE PATCH HANDED TO ME FOR FREE CAUSE THAT’S HOW THINGS ARE SUPPOSED TO WORK!! THAT IS THE ONLY MORAL OUTCOME HERE: I GET THE PATCH, YOU GET THE MIDDLE FINGER, AND NEARLY EVERYBODY’S HAPPY (SAY EXCEPT FOR YOU OBVIOUSLY, BUT WHO GIVES A SHIT!)! HAHAHAHAHAHA! SERIOUSLY, GET WITH THE PROGRAM MR. NIGHTWOLVE AND STOP YOUR GODDAMN BITCHING, BIOTCH!!! IT’S GETTING TIRING ALREADY!!! AND WHEN OH WHEN ARE YOU GONNA FINISH SOMETHING ELSE SO I CAN GET MY GREEDY FREELOADING HANDS ON THAT TOO?????? WHEN, I SAY? MAYBE I’LL THINK ABOUT DONATING THEN…. YOU NEVER KNOW, RIGHT??? HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YEAH, LET’S GO WITH THAT MR. NIGHTWOLVE… FINISH FELGHANA OR ANOTHER PROJECT LIKE YS ORIGIN AND THEN I’LL THINK ABOUT DONATING!!!! HONEST, I SWEAR! I CROSS MY HEART AND HOPE TO DIE!!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAA!

Does that about your capture your thought process, you miserable, freeloading spoiled fucks? Hmmmmm? How accurate am I? How close am I?

Let’s wrap this up and get to what the main purpose of this post was all about… By now, that short-tempered warez mind of yours has no doubt been wondering what’s with that newly added download to a Felghana patch…? Is this a trick? What’s going on here? What the fuck is he up to this time? Did this asshole NightWolve finally add the completed Mural images and actually finish the damn thing?? Or, did he stuff a virus in it?? How can the big, bad, evil NightWolve ever be trusted again after what he said he was gonna do? Well, first observe that the link says BETA… Awwwwww, I know how seeing that must’ve been a huge disappointment for ya… Were you by chance hoping for “change?” Something different, something new after ALL this time? A reward for all your patient waiting (as well as pirating, but I digress)? Heh-heh. I’m afraid that day is NOT today… Sorry, my fabulouso “fans”… I let ya down didn’t I ??

Alrighty, well, you know where we’re going with this… I had decided it’d be rather amusing to commemorate the 2 year anniversary by giving you MORE of the SAME!! That’s right! I’ve “preserved” the patch 100% FOR YOU, the “fan,” (get it, get it? I’m presenting inaction as action) just as it was when GF_Alt decided to get into the patch distribution business and leak it 2 years ago to the day! No need to throw your email address around in posts anymore, lie about owning the game (word of advice: you sorry fucks aren’t any good at lying, so just stick to what you ARE good at: pirating), and then expect another fellow warez degenerate to email you the patch in his leisurely…. No no no no no no, that nonsense will no longer be necessary you silly, embarrassing, thieving fucks! As of today, it’s official, you can get the VERY SAME patch from the source, right here… And you can trust me cause, yeah, I wouldn’t fuck you….. NOT YOU!!!! You’ve all been so good to me and I have no reason whatsoever to hate/detest you…. Rrrright? You are the overwhelming, near-unanimous majority of my “fans” after all… 😉 No matter what I do when it comes to the fan translation gig, aside from permanently retiring, I’ll always be stuck with you, much like you’ll always be stuck on stupid. This is the sad, inescapable reality…